A Night on the Town
by Iron Angel 80
Summary: Two hunters, an angel and a strip club – what could possibly go wrong?


Two hunters, an angel and a strip club – what could possibly go wrong?

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, I just wish I did.

A Night on the Town

'What, exactly, are we doing here?' Castiel's solemn voice asked, looking at the building in front of him.

'We're here to teach you how to be human.' I answered happily, opening the door of the Impala and climbing out.

'This is where you learn to become human?' Cas asked, disbelief shadowing his voice.

'This is what _Dean_ associates with being human,' Sam snarked, getting out of the car. 'There's a difference.'

Castiel climbed out of the rear of the classic beauty and took in the building again. 'And why do I need to learn to be human?' He asked, sounding petulant.

'Because…If you're going to be hanging with the big boys…you have to do what we do and go where we go.' I grinned.

'This is completely unnecessary.' Cas rolled his eyes.

_Now that's a human gesture_, I thought.

Sam was standing there appraising Cas. 'He doesn't really look the part.' My brother said to me.

'You're right.' I agreed. 'Cas. Lose the dorky overcoat and suit jacket.' I held out my arm for the offending garments.

'Can't I just wait for you out here?' His voice was bordering on whining. 'This is hardly the activity for someone of my…upbringing.'

'Look pal,' I said crossly. 'The fraternity of heavenly dicks gave you the shaft. Lucifer is walking around the east coast like a freaking tourist, and the Apocalypse is bearing down on our asses as we speak.'

Watching the white light and smoke sift up through the hole in the floor, Lilith and Ruby's dead bodies slumped and bleeding out, and the feeling of utter bowel loosening fear. That is how I remembered the final seal breaking. The white smoke hovered in front of us and disappeared, leaving the both of us confused and afraid. It was the next day that a strange man sat down with us at a diner. When I had given him a quizzical look, dude's eye went perfectly clear, like they were made of diamonds. It was Lucifer sitting down to eat breakfast with us, actually snatching a sausage link off my plate and biting into it. He wanted to thank us for setting him free, and that he was giving us the chance to join him. I told him to go fuck himself, reaching for Ruby's knife at my belt. Lucifer laughed and I was frozen solid, unable to grab the bone handle. '_I like you, you have spunk_.' He'd said, '_Think about my offer, I'll be in touch._' He glided gracefully out the door before I was able to move again. I actually pushed my barely touched breakfast away – all appetite gone.

_The Devil liked us…yay us_.

'Which is why we shouldn't be wasting our time here.' Castiel snapped at me, bringing me back to the present.

'Cas,' I said frustrated, scrubbing my hand over my face. 'You're a renegade now. You are no longer a part of God's army – you were cast out. Your mojo has been reduced to barely being able to cure a headache, and you want to charge after the Devil and his minions anyway? We need you to learn how to fight _our_ way – with your head and your fists.'

'And what does that have to do with this place?' He gestured at the offensive neon signs.

'Nothing.' I grinned and shrugged at him. 'Just want you to have some real human experiences now that you're basically human.' I snapped my fingers and pointed at the former angel's clothes. 'Coat. Jacket.' I demanded. Castiel shrugged out of the items and draped them heavily on my outstretched arm.

'Satisfied?'

'No. You still look like some wussy, underpaid, IRS dick.'

'He's definitely not going to be doing us any favors walking in there looking like that.' Sam grinned.

'Ditch the tie and un-tuck your shirt.' I offered. Cas pulled the tie from around his neck and added it to the clothes already in my grasp. Cas sarcastically held out his arms in a universal, _are we done yet,_ pose.

'He still doesn't look right.' Sam chuckled. My demon-tainted brother was having fun tormenting an angel. Life was awesome.

'You're right. Hold on a sec.' I went to the trunk of the Impala, carelessly dumped Cas's clothes in the bottom, and opened my duffle bag. I pulled out a black tee-shirt and a wrinkled green button-down shirt. I gave them an expiremental sniff. Clean enough. 'Here,' I called, tossing the garments to Cas. 'Put those on.'

He sighed, rolled his eyes and stripped off the white-collar, government issued shirt he'd been wearing. Evidently, he was tired of arguing with us and was just going to do what we told him in hopes of getting off easy. That was not going to happen. Not on my watch. The angel pulled on the borrowed clothes, looked at himself, and said, 'I look like a slob.'

'No,' I interrupted him, 'you look like one of us.'

'Same thing.' He muttered.

'Quit your griping.' I said, slapping a hand on his shoulder and leading him towards the door. 'Who knows? Maybe you'll like it.'

'I doubt it.' He muttered mutinously, looking distastefully at the flashing neon sign proclaiming the establishment as 'Titz-N-Glitz'

The bouncer at the door gave us a hard look as we walked past him. Dude was built like a refrigerator, but he would be in for a surprise if he laid a hand on me or Sammy. Civilians never fared too well when they got in front of John Winchester's right-hook legacy.

The bar was smoky and low lit. Glimpses of scantily clad women and drooling men trying to be cool were everywhere. I spotted a table not too far from the stage and led the way towards it. Taking my seat, I took in the wonders of a beautiful Latina who was doing feats of acrobatics on the pole on stage.

_Oh, to be that pole_.

A girl in a bikini and spiked heels came over. Cas looked decidedly uncomfortable and was trying not to look at the waitress, or the girl on stage. 'What are you drinkin' tonight boys?' She asked boredly around a mouthful of gum.

'Three shots of Jose and three beers.' I answered her, giving her a playful smile.

She smiled weakly back and wandered away.

'I really don't want to be here.' Cas complained, looking at the table top.

'You do if you want hang with us.' I grinned. 'You have to stop being such a prude.'

'There's being a prude, and there's being obscenely vulgar.'

'There's also being a virtue-less horn-dog. Guess what category Sammy and I fit into.'

'For the record,' Sam cut in, 'virtue-less horn-dog is _your_ category.' He glared at me.

Okay, so Sammy didn't like strip clubs either. I wasn't going to let that ruin my night.

Bikini girl came back with our drinks. I tossed a twenty on the tray. She looked at it like it was insulting her. _You gotta try harder if you want a better tip out of me sweetheart_, I thought.

I picked up my beer and shoved all three shots of tequila towards Cas. 'Drink those.' I ordered. Could vanquished angels get drunk? I could just imagine Castiel drunk. He'd be all huggy and happy, slurring _I love you guys!_ with a big dopey smile on his face. I snorted into my beer. I was _soo_ going to get him drunk, just to laugh at him about it later. _Dude! You were so wasted you tried to get up on stage and ask the stripper for her number! She kicked you in the nads and the bouncer tossed you into the side of the dumpster out back. 'Then where did the permanent marker horns and goatee on my face come from?' _He'd ask_. Oh, that was just me and Sammy fucking with you. Gotcha!_

Cas took a tentative sip of the liquor and winced, setting the shot glass back down on the table. 'That's disgusting.'

'Don't sip it like a pussy!' I scorned him. 'Knock it back! Like a man!'

Cas rolled his eyes and tossed the drink into his mouth. He winced again and said 'You humans are awful to the bodies you were given.'

'Drink up Della Reese.' I prompted him.

'That is not a drink – it's gasoline in a tiny glass.'

I pushed the shot closer to him with my finger. Cas sighed and tossed it back and immediately threw the third back as well. I grinned evilly to myself. This was going to be fun. 'Now was that so hard?' I didn't wait for an answer. 'Now you can have your beer.' I pushed a bottle towards him and took a swig of my own. Sam was smiling to himself. I think my little brother was on to my scam.

For twenty minutes, I watched the stage, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see the tequila working it's way through Cas. He was resolutely only looking at the table top, but he was drinking his beer, and his head seemed like it had magically gained a few pounds as it rolled heavily on his neck.

_God, what a light-weight_.

I waved at the bar and gestured for another round of beers from scowling-bikini girl. She half glared at me before walking to the glass-front fridge behind her.

_You have really got to work on your people skills, honey_.

It was only another few minutes after that, that a girl in a spandex dress came over to our table.

_Did they even make spandex dresses anymore? They must, they wear them in porn all the time_.

She was young, with red hair to her mid-back. The eye-catching dress was black, small, and strategically ripped in places to show off her body. It was a hell of a body.

'Any one here looking for a private dance?' She asked, while resting her elbows on our table and giving us a sneak peek. Of course _I_ looked. And Sam might act all high-and-mighty, but he was my brother and he took a peek too. Cas actually looked away from her.

_Is he blushing? Can an angel blush?_

'Cas! Why don't you give it a go?' I smirked.

'No. Thank you ma'am,' he muttered and pointedly looked away from the pretty girl. It wouldn't be possible for the guy to get any more embarrassed.

An idea struck me. A sick and twisted and horribly evil idea hit me square in the face.

'What's your name Sweetheart?' I asked her, leaning forward.

'Pepper.' She bubbled.

_Yeah, right_.

'Well Pepper,' I pointed my bottle at Cas, who suddenly found the back wall of utmost interest. 'This is Sergeant Jimmy Castiel, and he just got back from the war.' I nudged Sammy's foot under the table.

_We're in_ _the middle of a war right now that no one even knows is going on_.

'Oooh, were you in Iraq?' She leaned closer to Cas, giving him a generous view if he'd only turn his head.

_Now this is a girl with people skills_. He hoped bikini-bitch was watching.

'He's not allowed to say,' Sam cut in, a mischievous glint in his eyes. 'A lot of top secret missions.'

'Like Black-Ops and the Special Forces?' She breathed.

'Exactly.' Sam winked at her.

"Tell you what Pepper.' I leaned forward and pulled my wallet out of my back pocket. 'Why don't you take Jimmy out back to the private rooms, and show him how good it is to be back on American soil.' I tossed a hundred dollar bill on the table and Cas whipped his head around to glare at me.

'Dean…' He threatened as the bill disappeared.

'Don't let him weasel his way out of there either.' I smirked. 'Here,' I tossed another bill on the table which was hastily snatched up. 'Bring a friend.'

'Come on soldier,' she giggled as she tugged on his arm. 'Facing all those big baddies and you're scared of me?'

'Ma'am…' Cas tried to extricate himself from her grip.

'He's only shy at first.' Sam laughed. 'A couple of body shots and he'll loosen right up.'

'Oh, don't you worry.' She smiled widely. 'I'll make sure he has a good time. I support our troops.'

Pepper waved a hand at a dark-haired beauty who was wearing little more than a napkin. Both girls latched onto either arm and effectively pulled him away from the table. Cas sent one last pissed-off glance over his shoulder before he was swallowed up behind a curtain, guarded by a guy who looked like he could bench-press the Impala.

Sam laughed into his beer bottle and said, 'You're one mean sonofabitch, you know that?'

'What?' I questioned innocently. 'I thought I was doing dude a favor.'

'What you consider a favor, others would consider cruel.'

I shrugged and swigged my beer. 'Sometimes you have to nudge baby birds out of the nest.'

'There's nudging, and there's grabbing baby bird by the back of the neck and _throwing_ him.'

I laughed. 'Tell you what Sammy. If anything ever happens to me, and I need you to teach me about humanity, feel free to throw me out of the nest and into _that_.' I nodded at a tall blonde making her way towards the stage.

_Perfection in a thong_.

Sam tilted his head as the blonde wrapped herself around the pole. 'Likewise.'

'Besides, Cas dicked us around more than a few times over the last couple of months. Payback's a bitch.' I returned my attention to the stage.

'You know man,' Sammy said a moment later. 'You just shelled out two hundred bucks for someone else to get a lap dance.'

'I know… Two hours driving, forty dollars for a tank of gas, Thirty-five for drinks, and two hundred bucks for the girls. But the look on Cas's face when he comes out of there? _Priceless_.'

A/N: This was just a little thing that popped into my head. I heard a rumor that next season Cas will be hanging with the boys more, and they actually take him to a strip club. Don't know if it's true, but wouldn't it be a laugh if it did. If you had a chuckle, press the pretty green button.


End file.
